Deep Below (Poetry Block 28)

Pieces of memories

Lying in bloody hands

Time stole from me

The ability to understand

Faith is in the negative

And it’s far from too late

Sitting in the pollution of silence

Anger inside becomes outwardly engraved

The cure has expired

And I taste death when I swallow

At this point feeling soulless and tired

In the hole of the world so deep below


 

Poet’s Thoughts:

This poem, by far, is one of my absolute top 10 favorites out of all the poems I’ve written. The poem was written a few days after I had cut myself to the extreme. It was at a point where I thought cutting was the best I can do, that it was all I had. After everything, I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not true. Anger was my best friend in my darkest times and I didn’t care who I acted out against. I was under the impression I was alone despite how many people said they were there for me. I refused to believe them. I had refused to believe anybody could love someone like me. After everything, I’ve come to the conclusion that as well, isn’t true. None of it was ever true but it’s easier to believe when you’re in a dark world in your head.

Disastrous and Beautiful (Poetry Block 27)

An un-rested heart

Beats wearily

As the punches slap tight around the lips

But a black eye stays observant

As the recording of words sink deeper in

Arms that have lost their strength

Tremble in the dark

Legs that can no longer pick up

A body so torn apart

Heavily burned 

Every inch of self worth

But where beautiful met unfortunate

An unspeakable healing is unearthed

The tears that fall from cursed eyes

Will greet the sun one day

For in every painful experience

A stronger self is born again


 

Poet’s Thoughts:

This was written in relation to all types of abuse. To all types of silent pain that we carry within and as much as we want to scream, we simply can’t. I speak for myself when I say it’s easier for me to scream on the inside and pray that someone can hear me. There is pain we hide so well from people because we are afraid what they might say, what they might think, etc. But despite what type of circumstance we are in during these hard times, we should always use the strength to find an out, it’s not healthy for anybody to be stuck, though sometimes it is easier just to accept the silence. 

 

Risk (Poetry Block 26)

I wrote some words on paper

That at first didn’t make any sense

But when I reread them out loud

They were put together in my head

Afraid that the words

Had too deep of a meaning

I burned the paper to ashes

But still the words replayed while I was dreaming

Maybe I made a mistake

Should have taken a risk with these words

Because the mind is so fragile

I could have had them written and be heard

So I took pen to paper

Trying to remember the verses

But I think now it’s too late

As now I’m drawing a blank

Crumbled paper balls on the floor by my feet

I can’t seem to remember my lines

And the words had come together

Like a heartfelt melody

So I sit there with pen to paper

The hours are killing me

And slowly the words come back to life


 

Poet’s Thoughts:

Just to clear the air, I have never burned anything that I’ve written nor crumbled it unless I had already written it somewhere else. Now, with that being said I have written about topics that make people uncomfortable and have thought twice about sharing them. People have a way of making you feel stupid or foolish for going all in on something that’s worth it. I don’t feel about that anymore. If I want to write about Depression. I will. If I want to write about Death/Dying. I will. It’s that simple. There’s good and bad in everything we do, in every thought we have, etc. Both sides should be written. For me, both sides get written!

Head High (Poetry Block 25)

I count

Then breathe

Curtains open

Then read

My words

In your ears

Their meaning

Bring tears

The truth

It hurts

Opening up

On lessons learned

I fall

And gave up

Pray hard

And arose tough

The scars remain

Healed wounds

Reminders every day

Still I pulled through

Faith restored

Life renewed

Head High

God, thanks to you


 

Poet’s Thoughts:

You get to a certain point where you don’t know how you ended up somewhere but you’re out. You made it! You survived! It doesn’t mean it’s over though. There will always be some obstacle that stands in the way even after you’ve defeated it many times before. But with each surviving moment of the obstacles you have faced, you have also gained experience and strength. The more obstacles you face the stronger you become. And with that strength comes the knowledge of knowing that the obstacles to come are nothing but pebbles in your shoe and all you have to do is take them out. One by one. 

 

Mouthful (Poetry Block 24)

You talk so much

My ears already fell

Now I’m lip reading the bullshit

And it’s making my eyes fall under spell

Now, speaking is not a crime

But all you speak is hate

So my choice to ignore you

Keeps me sane in my mental state

All the words you say

Flood your mouth like rivers of poison

I’m surprised you’re alive

Since you went friend to enemy in less than three seconds

No matter how you paint the picture

Your words make you ugly out and in

And your lips will become blistered

By your own mouthful of sins


 

Poet’s Thoughts:

There are people that will always talk bad about someone, always find a way to mock someone. It makes them feel better. But, it won’t for long. Their karma is in the works. People’s words can hurt just as much as their actions but we’ve got to learn to not let them, and it’s so hard not to. It’s hard not to get angered by them. Don’t let the negative words of lost people get to you, because that is all they are, lost. And all we can do is pray for them.